Your Horoscopes Week of July 8

You will soon make a comfortable living exploiting other people’s deep-seated anxieties and crippling social fears.

When all is said and done, only you can make yourself feel bad. But that won’t keep everyone else from trying.

Your desire to join the winning team will take you in a strange new direction when you decide to fight on the side of lung cancer.

Buy yourself some extremely long bed sheets. You’ll be making an escape rope out of them very soon.

There are, in fact, good and evil twins, but a greater range of moral choices is available to you as a sextuplet.

You’re not the kind of person who constantly goes around saying the sky is falling, making you ill-equipped to cope with the events of this Thursday.

Doctors caution that you cause extreme negative reactions—including rashes, vomiting, and hysteria—in women who may become pregnant.

Sometimes success is just showing up; not as often as being a child of the company president, but sometimes.

Scientists agree that you are a unique and fascinating specimen, but there are no practical applications for you as yet.

You’ve made it your life’s mission to find the best crab cakes in Boston. Truly, you’re one of America’s unsung heroes.

If you’ve ever regretted not pursuing a career in bullfighting, this week may bring an accidental chance to start over.

It’s both cynical and dangerous to underestimate the power of human love, but that’s okay. You’ll overestimate it every time.